The London Marathon....

In short..... it was worse than childbirth! And in so many ways just like it! I wanted to give up so many times, and change my mind about the whole ordeal, but knew there was no option other than to keep going. I cried, I laughed, I looked forward to my reward at the end. And at the moment it was given to me, I loved my shiny medal about as much as I loved my newborn children. (ok, maybe not quite as much, but you know what I mean!)
I could never have anticipated how emotional it would be. I cried so many times for so many different reasons. I cried at the woman in front of me running for bliss ( a charity very close to my heart) with a picture of her son on her vest,born at the same time my son was, who only lived a day. I cried when I saw five japanese over 50's running for their destroyed hometowns. I cried at mile 16 when my toenail popped off and I felt like I was running on broken glass. At mile 17 again when it was so hot I needed to jump into a cold pool. I cried like a baby at mile 18, which was the point I was meant to see my family for a quick hug and I couldn't see them. And I cried at mile 21 when I took a woman by the hand as she sobbed into her husbands chest on the sidlelines that she couldn't finish. I cried especially everytime I touched Michelles badge, knowing without her I would have quit at mile 13!
It wasn't all crying... I laughed alot too.... At the giant tiger, or danger mouse. At being beaten by a rhino and a bottle of beer. At all the kids who high fived me along the way, and smiled at almost every person who called out my name and cheered me on.
When I reached mile 20 and my feet were agony, my tank empty, and my spirit weak, I contemplated sitting down and not getting up. I pulled over to the side and stretched. About a dozen people started chanting "go Jae, go Jae, keep going, you're almost there!" I wish I could thank them personally.... without that encouragemnet I'm not sure I would have kept going. For Belinda, who had breast surgery 14 days ago and crossed the finish line holding my hand, you are a true inspiration. For Jacqueline who was waiting at the finish line, you made it so special. My big girls and my mum who have been constant in my training and fears, I love you all. For Tony who encouraged me all the way through, and everyone who sponsored me for such a good cause. But especially, especially for Michelle. She was and is a presence in my life that is forever there, and forever great. She has left a gigantic hole in this world and dare I say it, I plan to run so many more times in her memory.
Thankyou to you all for all of your support, and that you Shelley for being there every step of the way x

Nerves...

Today I'm packing for London. I have everything lined up and ready to go. Mild panic set in when I couldn't find my registration form. It was, however where I left is, lying safely in my drawer!
I am more nervous than I was before giving birth, more nervous than when moving 6000 miles away from home. More nervous than flying on a rubbish day. I am 100% totally riddled from head to toe with nerves. I blabber, and snap and am a general altogether nightmare.
My babies have been taken down south for the week, to give me some time to prepare, and I am not sure if I find that harder or easier. I am aware of them being away every moment, and I miss my family terribly!
I am talking to myself and to Michelle constantly, and I'm almost certain I have caught a few people throwing curious looks and I chant my mantra while running.
So, London here we go..... with my mum and big girls en-tow, we are very nearly on our way! Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

calm before the storm...

Everything is running smoothly in the running world. I am keeping my training topped up, but have no major runs planned before next weekend. I ran this morning, 6 miles with my friend Alisa, and it was lovely. We enjoyed the sunshine, and the satisfaction of getting our run finished early in the morning. All in all it was really enjoyable.
On another note I do feel really nervous..... it will all be ok though right?

Nerves

I am seriously freaking out! Where has all my training time gone? I can't believe this time in 2 weeks, I will be in London.
A quick thanks to my mum who is coming down on Saturday with Lucy and Sarah. The thought of being there alone is worse than my feelings about waiting on the starting line.
I also feel so lucky to have the friends that I do. EVERY single morning, I have the mums at the school gate giving me encouragement, one (Alisa) has run with me a few times, and God love her for it. I told her the other day on a run that she was like the energizer bunny. I kid you not, the woman can have a full length conversation the entire duration of our run. I do try to keep up with the chat, but fear I grunt back at her towards the end. her face doesn't change colour, mine turns a very attractive shade of purple. She bounces up hills, I moan. She is just as chipper at the end as at the beginning, and I just want a seat! I will miss her bubbliness while hitting the streets of London.
So, the countdown begins.....
You still with me Shell?

Easier runs.

I finally feel like I can run without wondering at which stage I'm going to pass out! I had a nice run today with my friend Alisa, and wore my CRY vest in preparation for my london outfit.
Here is my new issue, and I apologise it is personal! I came away from the Alloa half with blisters not on my bruised feet, but on my boobs! ( ever noticed the real runners don't tend to be awfully well endowed?), and I have tried every sports bra I can find, plasters, dreaded vaseline, but the only thing that comes close to working is wearing 2 sports bras. What worries me is how comfortable that will be for 26 miles. I suppose if thats the only thing I have to worry about during the marathon then I'll be doing ok.
So I'm off on an internet search for the right bra, probably slightly late in the game for that!
On another note, I have also been reading about Lance Armstrong. Michelle admired him, and I can see why. Ever so slightly daunting after everything he has done, was reading that running the New York marathon was by far the hardest thing he has ever done! Oh God!

Beautiful weather

It actually feels like springtime. I can't tell you how much of a difference that not only makes to training, but to my entire state of mind. Going out for a run when the sun is shining, and the sky is blue, is hundreds of times easier than doing it in the rain or the snow.
I recovered quickly from the half marathon, which I think in and of itself has shown me I may actually be verging on some sort of fitness. My feet are screwed, my nails black, but all in all I feel ok.
I had a really lovely run yesterday, with y friend Alisa. We parked by the school, and ran in just enough time to pick the kids up at the end of school. I have no idea how far we ran, but we ran for an hour. An hour along I track I don't know, but now love, enjoying easy chat, and a fairly easy run. Had my feet not been niggling, I would even have been close to saying it was perfect.
Running that length is no longer really hard work, but dare I say it...... even fully enjoyable!
I now wear my badge with Shells beautiful face on it everytime I go out, and silly as it may seem to some, it really makes me feel like she is with me.

Alloa half marathon.

Yesterday I ran the Alloa half marathon. I arrived absolutely riddled with nerves, thank goodness my mum was there. Everyone bustled around, attaching numbers and time clips, stretching, chatting. It is quite an exciting environment, and easy to get caught up in the event. For whatever reason by the time I got to the starting point (although I was standing pretty close to the end of the crowd) my nerves had dissapated slightly and I was raring to go.
Everyone took off quickly, and I immediately knew the pace was faster than I had trained for. Avoiding the temptation to sprint ahead, I nestled myself in behind two women running for 'Help for Heroes'. Their pace was comfortable so I decided to follow. What was somewhat disturbing was that the person who had decided to tuck in behind me was an 82 year old man. Now good on him, what an amazing accomplishment for someone of his age, but NO WAY in hell was I going to be beat by an OAP.
Some poor guy was walking by mile one, one woman quit at mile 2, and a few runners were cuddled up in tin foil by mile 9.
I tried feverently to think of other things, other than how long to go, how long to go. I did settle into my running and my thoughts several times through the race, but I admit, the whole thing was hard. The strecth (3 miles) in menstri was never ending, and excuse my language, but the hill between 10 and 11 miles was a bastard.
I touched my badge with Michelles face on it four or five times for encouragment, and to remind myself in particularly hard moments the purpose of what I was doing.
Seeing the finish line was far more of a relief than a joy, and hearing my name being called out as I crossed was the funny release I needed. They were shouting here comes Jem Duffin, well done Jem, and all I could hear was my mum shouting at them. "Its not Jem its Jaime!!!!"
I am sure glad thats over, and can't help thinking four weeks from today, London will be too! Can I run twice as far? Who the hell knows! Am I going to give it my best shot? Hell yeah!